Why We're Talking About Loneliness

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Welcome back to the Monday Morning Men podcast. My name is Josh Swart here with Thomas Dellinger. Our goal with this podcast is to bridge the gap between your Sunday morning service and your Monday morning real life. Because we all know sometimes it's hard to walk out life as a man. And with all the responsibility.

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My wife thinks females have it harder. I don't I disagree. But that's just my opinion as a male.

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I don't want any of that smoke that they've that they've got.

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So I don't like dealing with that. I'll give them that. I don't want I was not meant to be a woman. I'm not made for it. I was not meant to be. No. Amen.

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Um, guys, if you got questions or feedback, you can reach us at info at mondaymorningmen.com. Um super excited about the message this morning. So, Thomas, why don't you uh why don't you kick it off?

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All right, so we are going to talk about loneliness today. This was never on our list. I have a list of topics that I want to get through. I actually have, I mean, I think I have most of them, at least the ideas that I want to cover. This was not one of them. Um, it was not something even up until a couple weeks ago I didn't want to talk about, but uh recently was able to speak on this and the amount of feedback specifically from men, um, which has not all been good, by the way. Uh that's a that's a private conversation, but has not all been good, but has been so instrumental in in hitting certain guys' hearts that I feel like at this point it's like I would be missing an opportunity to at least discuss it and get our minds thinking about that. So, that being said, as I talk about this, there may be this sense of, and this has been one of the things that's been a feedback. I feel like you you dropped a bomb on me and then walked away. Like, I hope that it's not even conviction, but I hope it opens your eyes to something. Um, and I pray that that scripture and God will give you healing, and there's definitely some practical ways to do that. Um, but at the same time, like that's not on me. I know that sounds extremely selfish to say the reason I'm saying that we kind of get into this, like hopefully this enlightens your eyes to certain things, but realize that if there's something going on in your heart, that that not only is Christ gonna be the answer, but maybe some counseling or or or having an actual mentor in your life. But we'll get into that in a second. So loneliness is a topic that we're gonna be talking

Loneliness Isn't a Modern Problem

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about. I actually spoke on this um primarily for kids. So I've changed a little bit to obviously speak to the men, but the men were the ones that seemed, at least obviously as a man, that I got a lot of the feedback from. And so we'll kind of go from there. Uh, but in loneliness, as I was doing some of my research, this is something that's interesting. In 1719, it was one of the what they view as kind of the first English novel, a story that was not historically accurate, truly just made up and for fun. It was written by a Christian man. There are themes in this book that are not Christian, so you've probably read it, and we'll get into that in a second. Um, but it is interesting to me. So you're looking at 300 plus years ago, first English novel. What are you going to make it about? And it's all got the action, it's got all of great things, but one of the overarching themes is loneliness. And then our main character in this story ends up in a place where he is isolated and he is lonely, and there is no human contact around him, kind of this survivor mentality. And it's interesting to me that 300 years ago, without social media, cell phones and a lifestyle that was a lot more communal than it is today, loneliness was still a conversation that was being had. And we'll get into specifically the example of David. Um, we'll be in the Psalms a lot and how he experienced loneliness. And it's again, we think of this as an isolated problem that is only something more modern because of the way that we're connecting with people. And definitely a modern lifestyle affects it, but it doesn't, it's not, it's been around since the dawn of time. And we'll see that even Jesus wanted to speak on that. So in preaching my message, that we were at a kids' camp, the theme was David and Goliath. So all of my themes are related around David. So there's a reason that I'm sticking almost with all of the Psalms in regards to that. So just kind of understanding

Everyone Experiences Loneliness

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some context of why we're doing what we're doing. So again, we'll just be using David as an example in a lot of verses found in Psalms. But um, this is something that I believe really needs to be talked about. We're gonna be talking about some uh a couple of subjects here in the future that I think a lot of men, and even when you probably heard this, you're like, loneliness is not something I deal with. I'm at the point now where I believe loneliness is something everybody experiences. To what degree or how you address it or handle it is obviously uh nobody knows but you. Um, and we'll actually talk about more when we get into our next week's topic uh with our guests. But that's another topic that people think that they don't struggle with, that I believe every human does. Um, so loneliness is one of those things that as I got into because I have been we've talked about this before in the podcast before, where I have been meeting with guys and I ask two questions a lot of times that I just I like to kind of get into things and I go, one, are you happy? It's always interesting to get the response, but then I follow up with this one in the second one, and this is before ever speaking about this, this has been for the last year and a half, uh, because it's something I struggle with, is are you lonely? And I've yet to have one guy say no. And so as I've been doing this, this is something near and dear to my heart and something that I believe it needs to be talked about. So if you're listening to this and your initial reaction is like, I'm not lonely, just hear me out, please, as I build this case. Because not that I'm trying to make you lonely, I'm not trying to create a problem inside you, but I am trying to make you realize something that might be there. So the current studies show that one out of three adults deal with chronic loneliness. This means that you feel it like consistently, usually once a day to a minimum of several times a week. I believe that stats probably I think two-thirds of those people don't even know what loneliness is. That's a third that are self-aware enough to know that I experience this all the time. And that's chronic loneliness. So everybody feels lonely, but those are people that feel it almost all the time. This is something that applies to us as human adults, not just as kids. But I was giving this message to kids and teens, and this is just something interesting. So if we believe this, and this is where the data gets unique, they say

Men Aren't the Only Ones Struggling

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that adults, whatever problems you have as kids, only grow as adults get larger. So we only have about 33% of all adults feel chronic loneliness. And yet, the Girl Scouts of the US, so it's called the G S USA, did these stats on the Girl Scouts of America. They said this that ages five to seven on their stats, that the young girls, 64% of them reported feelings of loneliness. Ages eight to 10, that number climbed to 67% and ages 11 to 13, that 73% of girls admitted to feeling loneliness. Unfortunately, there's not really data on young men, which I would argue that not that young men can't experience it. We're a little bit less in tune with our emotions and thoughts as opposed to young ladies. But as we get older, this is something that we all experience. So if almost 70, if three out of four young ladies are willing to admit they experience loneliness before they even turn age 11, I can't imagine that getting better as an adult. I think isolation is something that comes and becomes a lot worse. And if you think about it, even in pop culture, think how niche this kind of topic is. Not that loneliness isn't something that's not discussed. It's usually not, people aren't writing books on this. We talk about depression or anxiety, but we don't talk about loneliness and specifically that word. And yet, I I thought about this. Justin Bieber's song titled Loneliness, right? This is one of his major hits. It was, it fell into the Billboard top 10. It's had over 1 billion streams on Spotify, 200 million views on YouTube. It was uh, you know, Billboard Global's number five for quite some time. And I don't know if you've ever listened to the song, and I don't condone it. There is cursing in there. Um, but here this song is, it's not a it's not a fun song. Like it's not an upbeat song. There's no pop to it. And you got to think, most songs are are about love and and there's some sort of emotion that they're trying to create, if anger, something, something more passionate. Loneliness is a depressing emotion to feel, and yet it hits astronomical charts. There's something there that's relatable because the actual song, objectively, and speaking of itself, is nothing necessarily to write home about. It's just a quiet, soft song. I think it just like has a guitar in it. So this is one of those messages that we all relate to that is not normally preached, and it's a hard one for me to specifically preach on because it's something I struggle with. In fact, even as I was writing it, I had some thoughts on

When You Look Fine but Feel Alone

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this when I was giving it. I was like, like I had the pieces there and it just was missing something. And as I was praying about it, it was God gave me this. He's like, it just needs your heart in it. And I was like, and I knew that would be hard. Because one thing about me is I'm an honest person, and I don't really have a filter over my mouth. Uh, that's a problem. I'm not that's not a good thing. But I don't have a filter over my mouth, but I do have a filter over my heart, and people assume that I'm transparent, that I'm vulnerable. I'm not. Just because I'm honest or transparent does not mean I'm vulnerable. Because sometimes I know that honesty is actually going to make you appreciate me or make you feel safe or make me appear humble. But there are other things. Oh, that camera is overheating. Let me just roll with it.

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Yeah, this maybe just be an honest.

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Just roll it. Yeah, hey, it's all right. We're just rolling with it. Sorry, guys. But but that transparency that I know I have isn't really what's necessarily going on here. And so this message was hard to talk about because it is vulnerable, because it is requiring me to say things that make me maybe not put me in the best light or things that I have to be honest with. But it's important for me to communicate this that if you're listening to this and you struggle with loneliness, you're not alone. I have a great life with an amazing wife, amazing kids, and amazing friends, and a great church and blessed,

David Was Lonely Too

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good job. And yet I this is something that I feel. And this is not something that not only I feel and that I struggle with, this is something that David uh continually battled. In Psalms 25, 16, it says this turn to me and be gracious to me, God, right? This is what he's crying out, for I am lonely and afflicted. Here is David, right? The the goat of all men, the warrior David, the handsome guy that slay Goliath, like all the things that we aspire to be, is lonely. God understands what we're going through. One of the beautiful things that we find in the Psalms, and we've talked about this, is that God always wants scripture, right? It's about him. It's always been about him. And yet in his goodness, there is a sense of where he allows our hearts to be exposed because it's relatable. There are things that David prays in the Psalms that are wrong, that come from a wrong spirit. Yet God puts those words in scripture to let you know, I understand where you're going through. Yeah. Yeah. Even Jesus cried out, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Right? We actually, that actual phrase, which is in Psalms 22, and we see Jesus repeat it on the cross. There's a relatability there that God allows us to see because he cares. I mean, like how good and how kind he is. But loneliness is something we all struggle with, including the goats of David and all of the great heroes of our faith. And then even Jesus allows us to see the relatability when he cries that out. And we'll get into that more in a second. But there are three different types of loneliness that are kind of recognized by psychologists. The first one is emotional loneliness. There are over there are a bunch of different ones, but these are the three primary ones that I want to go over. The first one is emotional loneliness, which means the absence of loss or a deep attachment to someone like a close friend or family member. This usually means a death. Someone moves, you're not in connection with, you're not talking to, you had a falling out, uh business partner that left, whatever it is. Uh, David understood this. He went through this. He lost his son Absalom, right? His son actually, you know, uh tried to take the kingdom from him. Then he physically died. The infant son he bore with Bathsheba, his best friend Jonathan. I mean, think he lost a lot, not only in death, but in betrayal. So they they removed themselves from it. So he had emotional loneliness. Then there's the social loneliness, which is a lack of belonging, a wider social network or group of friends with whom you share hobbies and interests. I I have I have never experienced this in my life and probably never, never will. I'm an extremely social person, but some people are just not. And it's like I struggle to have friends. I'm a little bit more isolated, I'm more introverted, so I struggle with this. Uh, but understand, David, right? Had this happen to this is Psalms 142.4. Look and see, there's no one at my right hand, no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge, no one cares for my life. I don't have anybody in my life. And there are people like that. And I have friends like that. I actually had a guy recently tell me, I don't have friends. Like, I just don't have any, you know, and I was like, I don't even know what that's like. Like, I'll make friends with the person at Target. Like, I have no issue with that. It's not a struggle for me, but this is something that people have. You know, uh, if you think about even David, this is, you know, he references it in Psalms 142, but just even the narrative of his life. Uh, his brothers didn't want him around. They complained when he showed up. You know, Saul tried to kill him, he didn't want him around. He was abandoned by his friends multiple times, his sown sons left him. I mean, this is something where even socially, I don't have anybody left. Yeah, where is everybody? And then the one that I struggle most with uh with is which is uh existential

The Three Types of Loneliness

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loneliness. It's a deep internal sense of being, fundamentally separate or alone in the world, regardless of how many people are around you. For adults, it is often, this is well, kind of how like they define this. It you can sense this and see if you deal with this. It's often a search for purpose, is like how you like if you're looking for purpose in your life, typically you're already experiencing some sort of loneliness. Um, it's a feeling that others cannot truly understand your unique internal experience. Like I'm searching for purpose, I don't know what's going on with my life, I don't feel like I'm relatable. Even though people are walking through the same things that you are, you kind of feel isolated and something that we probably all universally are struggling with. That's existential loneliness. And yet, David, here he is. I think David got the he ran the gauntlet of loneliness. Psalms 38, 11. My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague and my kinsmen stand far away. Nobody understands what I'm going through. I'm going through it a lot, and I'm and nobody can relate to me, and I'm I'm by myself on this island. And this is something that I feel consistently. Um, and and this is something where I want you, if you're listening to this, because one of the things that I've noticed as my feedback, one of the guys came to me, he's like, I don't know. Like, like he's like, I experienced loneliness, and there was this sense of I'm

The Lie That Marriage & Success Will Fulfill You

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confused why I'm lonely. And I told him, and I said I didn't get into this, obviously, in the message because it was primarily for children. But we've been sold a bill of goods as as Christian men. The first one is this it says that getting married, having kids, having fulfillment at your job, being serving at church and present, which are have fulfilling moments for sure. We think that they're gonna be our end all be all. And what happens is is we get uh into our 30s and and life is mundane and monotonous, and we realize, oh, this isn't fulfilling. I have sacrificed, I have not lived a life of you know selfishness. I've actually I die to myself with my marriage, I die to myself with my kids, I die to myself with my church when I serve, and I die to myself with my community when I serve. And it's gonna be super fulfilling and super amazing, but it's gonna be great. And then all of a sudden you realize you're like, my wife is mad at me, and I don't know why. You know, my kids are zapping my energy, my church doesn't notice how much I'm serving them, and my community is ungrateful for what I provide. And all of a sudden, we're like, it's not fulfilling, which is why men in their 30s, and we've talked about this that are three times more likely to be in some sort of addiction. It's like, I'm gonna be fulfilled in something. And we have this idea like, I'm lonely in this. I I'm I'm doing so much and trying so hard, and nobody sees me.

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Yeah.

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And this is a bill of goods, the beautiful, awesome things that have pockets of this. And I told this to the kids on the way home. That scripture says it is more blessed to give than receive. And this is where we're getting to. There's only one antidote to all of this loneliness, and we know it's Jesus, but hear me out on this. When we say it is more blessed to give than receive, the reason it's more blessed isn't because you're gonna get double fold back or this prosperity gospel where all of a sudden things are gonna work out, or even the fact if I give you a gift and all of a sudden you love me and I see the joy on your face, that's a great fulfilling moment. The reason it's more blessed to give than receive is because in that moment that I give to you, I am partnering with God and God is with me. And the most beautiful thing that I could ever do in my life is to do things with God. The only antidote to my loneliness is to be present with Him. He's the only thing that will ever fulfill my heart. And we have to understand that as we approach loneliness in all of it, because there are antidotes to our loneliness that we can do that are practical. That if you're listening to this, that you maybe you should do. If you know, if your best friend has moved away, yeah, go find a new friend, right? Do that. If you have no community, find a community or develop a community. You should have that. Um, but understand that ultimately those things will not fulfill you. Those are the good alternatives and things that you can practically do that you need to apply in your life, but understand the best thing in the entire world is Jesus. If you need a mentor in your life, find one. We're gonna have a guest on uh next week who I've I've kind of attached myself to at the hip because I want him to pour inside of me. Find those people if you need them. It's beautiful. But at the end of the day, Jesus is my only answer. And I just want to kind of add this nuance and this caveat to loneliness because I think it's important because community is a buzzword for a lot of people. Well, I'm gonna find community and friendship and it's gonna help me not feel lonely. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and if you've never read any of his works, I'm a huge fan, you should. He said this let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm to himself and to the community. If you're a real needy person and you're just trying to attach yourself all the time to people, or you're really needy and you're trying to get uh a community, I'm not saying that need isn't something that's real. It is real, and it is a need that we need to fulfill in the sense of we need community. However, the reason Dietrich's saying that is that the only fulfillment comes from Christ, and our community should not be what we get out of it, it should be something that we give to it. If you're listening to this and you're lonely, yes, find those alternative means that are practical, but realize that your health needs to come from Christ, otherwise, you're gonna cause issues within your own community. But loneliness is such a broad emotion with no single human antidote that it's ironically that there is, you know, there's no antetem to the English word of loneliness. It's actually a highly debated topic. There's no single word that that is the opposite of loneliness. Uh, the only word that kind of, you know, most psychologists have have agreed upon that would be the antidote to loneliness would be human connection. And it is true to a degree, but we know that there is a connection that ultimately fulfills everything, and it's Jesus. The opposite of loneliness is connection, and it's connection with Jesus. And here's what loneliness is gonna do. If you're realizing, man, I am lonely, nobody sees me, nobody understands me. There's there's a realization, we've talked about this even with suffering, loneliness will either

Loneliness Will Push You Somewhere

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push you towards Jesus or away from him. You're either gonna realize I need him more and more in my life, more than anything else in this entire world, or I'm gonna find my fulfillment something else. TV, friends, whatever indulgence. I think that's why pornography is incredibly high. It makes us feel seen, it makes us feel known, it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel less isolated, which isn't ironic when you think about it, because you usually are looking at an isolation. It's either going to push you towards Jesus or away from Jesus. Elizabeth Elliot, who probably had an incredibly lonely life, who left everything behind to go serve on a mission field to a native tribe who had never heard any, you know, before cell phones, who had never heard the gospel, and then she shows up and her friends and her husband are killed. Had this beautiful quote: loneliness is a wilderness, but through receiving it as a gift, accepting it from the hand of God, and offering it back to him with thanksgiving, it may become a pathway to holiness, to glory, and to God Himself. She continued to write, our loneliness cannot always be fixed, not by our human ways, right? But it can always be accepted as the very will of God for now, and then it turns into something really beautiful. It's if you're hearing this and you're like, I am lonely, good news. It's gonna turn into something beautiful if you press in towards Jesus. And I was telling you before we started, uh, we've been reading, I've been doing Paul Harvey's the rest of the story with the kids. It's just a fun, and if you're listening to that, uh if you if you ever read to your kids, that's always a great thing to throw in there. Um but in that we opened up kind of with that story of the first novel that was ever written about a man in isolation. Here's kind of that rest of the story and how that story ends. After he was shipwrecked, there's this beautiful part in the book where the author writes that he finds a salvaged Bible. And through reading it, so here he is. We start, you know, he's this loneliness, this topic where a man's in isolation, he's been shipwrecked on this island. First novel what do you want to cover? He finds a Bible. He's got no human connection. He reads it and he ultimately thinks God because he realizes the only thing he needs is him. Right? This is the story of Robinson Caruso. You've probably read it in school. And it may be something that you missed, but this is a huge overarching thing that the author wanted to address that the thing that makes us the most fulfilled is simply being in the presence of God. And it's important to remember that this is our answer and our antidote to everything. So in that, I just want to go over a few scriptures that David kind of walked through that we realize that I don't know what type of loneliness you're going through. But just like Robinson Caruso found Jesus and those moments, we need to find him a rest in those scriptures. So if you deal with emotional loneliness, and that remember that is just the loss of someone, whether it's death or they moved or whatever it is, remember this Psalms 34, 18, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those whose spirits are crushed. If you've lost someone loved, you know, I recently was at a friend's funeral and it was super sad. It was just like there was this sense of loss that was there. There was even like loss. I was like, man, I'm I wish I would have spent more time with, I would have reached out more. And there was that sense of like, man, I missed it. But remember that God is present even in those moments. Psalms 27, 10. Even if my father and my mother abandoned me, and the like everybody can leave, right? He says this, the Lord will hold me close. So, so whether it's a death or people, you know, leave, it doesn't matter. The Lord will hold me close. Or maybe it's social loneliness. I don't really experience this one, but if you do, maybe you're just like, I struggle to find friends, that that it's a it's a lack of belonging, a wider social network. You're struggling to find community. Here we go. Psalms 23, 4. Think about Jesus here. He experienced loneliness when God wasn't with him only at one time. This is something I just just to point out. Jesus never experienced loneliness ever in his life, even though he had his friends abandon him, he had people die, he had everything experienced. There was only one moment though. And Psalms 23, 4 walks us through. It says, Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. There's no moment where if you have no community, nothing is going well for you. You have no, you're you're in complete isolation. It doesn't matter. The reason you can walk through that valley is because Christ is with you. The only moment Jesus ever experienced loneliness, and we just referenced it in Psalms 22, and then we see it later on in the New Testament. He says, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? is when he was no longer present with the Father. Think about it. All of the just crap Jesus went through, we don't ever see him experience loneliness or isolation because he says, I don't do anything apart from the Father. Yeah. I do everything with the Father. This is where my hope and my my, you know, this is where all of my fulfillment and my satisfaction comes from. The only moment he didn't experience is when the father turned his back on him. Here is the king of the world, the one that fullness of joy evermore. And all of his joy and all of his fulfillment comes by walking with the Father. And the only isolation is when we're not. So if you were struggling, community is beautiful, friends are beautiful, get a counselor. I'm here for it. But just remember only one thing will fulfill, and that's Jesus and being present with them and walking hand in hand with them. Existentially lonely, which is me, that deep internal sense that

You Are Fully Known by God

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just no one sees you. You can have a ton of friends. You could be, you could be the center of attention in a room and still feel like no one sees you. I struggle with this one often. But I've got Psalms 139 even open here, and I'm just gonna read all six verses, right? I'm not gonna try to uh, you know, shorten it or abbreviate it because it's so beautiful that even in that sense of where, like, does anybody see me know this? Psalms 139, verse 1, O Lord, you have searched me and you know me or have known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up, you understand my thoughts from afar off, you comprehend my path and my lying down. You are acquainted with all my ways, for there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, Lord, you know it altogether. Before I even speak it, saying, You know what I'm gonna say. You have hedged me behind and before and have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, it is high, and I cannot attain it. I can't even comprehend God, is what he's saying, that you know me so intimately and so well. And think about this think about how well you know yourself and just how ugh you are. Like you're like, man, I don't, I don't want to be with me. And yet God knows me, and his desire is that he is with me. And the reason this hits home, and I'm just gonna be like really transparent, I'll never forget the first time I struggle with loneliness. Sometimes depression is uh is a real thing for me. Um, I'm not medicated anyway, but there are times it's really genuinely hard to get out of bed. And so I I was probably eight years old when I first started uh kind of like my battle with with depression and loneliness started. And I will never forget that my mom gave me a Bible and she said, Go in my closet. And she goes, I just want you to read and just read the psalms until you're better. Like that was her, that was her antidote. And I remember crying, like I could not like I could not stop crying. I remember that emotion. I don't remember everything about it. I just remember feeling this overwhelmed. Like I was eight or nine. Went in that closet on their teal green carpet and got on my knees. And I have no idea how long I was, I was long enough in there reading the the Psalms that my mom went with the door to make sure I was okay. And I remember just reading it and finding so much fulfillment in these scriptures that it was like this became my my refuge, my genuine refuge was to be present with the Father, to see what he was saying, not only about himself, but what he was saying about me in that moment. What part do I play in my relationship with Christ? And it's important that you understand this because this is something that this battle didn't just wake up and go away. This was probably about a year ago, two years ago. We were on our family vacation, we're at one of my favorite places on earth, which is Hilton Head. I love the beach, I love that area. And for whatever reason, I had one of my belts, and it was like three or four o'clock in the afternoon. We had just gotten back from the beach, and I'm overwhelmed with my emotion. I grabbed my beach chair and I just marched out of the condo. It was a long walk to the beach. And and so I drug it out there. And my wife, who's so kind, just knew something was happening, grabbed her chair and followed me, and left the kids back there. And um, I just got on the beach and I could not stop crying. And she said, you know, you know, we were just asking what's going on, and we were discussing it and just these these feelings of loneliness and isolation and what's going on. And I said it and I meant it, and it's just like it was a refreshing moment, and it was this moment with Christ that I'll always hold, and this is why it's hard. So, I mean, that's I'm I'm a kind of all put together kind of guy. And like, there's nothing worse than like having your emotions out of complete control and not being able to seem to control yourself and to just have to admit, like, I'm like, who sees me? Who knows me? I I'm feeling isolated. What's the purpose? All these questions that I think all men struggle with. And I told her this and I meant it, and I and I mean it to this day. I said, the the most happy and fulfilled out of everything I've experienced in my life, and I've experienced beautiful things and I have an amazing family, and I have so much to be grateful for. The thing that I find that brings me the most joy is when I'm at the feet of Jesus and I'm simply reading the Bible. Like I mean, I mean that. And it's to the point where I battle this so much. And this is kind of my encouragement and some application for you guys right now. I will get in my car, and there are some mornings. It's hard to wake up that morning, and I and you want to check out. And what I will do is I will plug my phone in and I will just play the Bible and let the word of God wash over me. Because in that moment, like it's like it's all, it's like I'm clinging to a life rope. And it's like, I just need to know that I am fully seen and known in this moment. And nothing, and I mean this, nothing satisfies me like Jesus does. And I have tried, trust me, I would prefer anything else. I would like a quick dopamine rush and watch something or feel something or do something. And instead, it's like, I know, because I've been dealing with this for almost 20, yeah, almost 30 years now, where it's like, I have felt this loneliness, this isolation, and this depression. Nothing will fulfill like scripture. I'm not

What Do You Do When You're Lonely?

SPEAKER_02 30:32

saying you shouldn't get a counselor, you know, get a counselor or get help what you need. I'm not, I'm not negating those practical tools, but I'm telling you right now that this is what the answer to all of your hopes and your desires is Jesus, as cliche as that sounds. So here's something you can do right now. You first need to acknowledge your loneliness. And I would encourage you in this, that you need to be completely honest. I'm not trying to create a problem in your life, but I think every man struggles with it. And that is something that you're gonna deal with. This Psalms 25, 16 through 18 says this turn to me and be gracious to me, for I'm lonely afflicted. And here's the rest of that verse that we kind of talked about earlier. It says, relieve the troubles in my heart and bring me out of my distress. We need to call on Christ, be like, Lord, I need you in this moment. So if you refuse to acknowledge that loneliness is something that you don't deal with, then you're not gonna help anybody, right? The other one is that we got to repent and confess. We need to ask for forgiveness, that we have turned to other things except for Christ. I have tried to fulfill this loneliness in another way, right? So for you, if you're listening, repent of the things that you've tried to pursue. And sometimes that's even just like I've sought for community, not that you shouldn't have it, but I've sought community to fulfill something in my heart that only Christ can. And you need to call upon him. This is Psalms 145.18. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to call on him in truth. Psalms 73, 23 through 26. Nevertheless, I am continually with you. You hold my right hand, you guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? I mean, David's saying there's nobody else. There's nothing else that's going to satisfy but you. And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. This is what we're chasing. This is what we want. It's Christ, and He fulfills everything in our heart. There's one quick thing just in my feedback from men that I want to say this. Maybe you're sitting here, we're getting to the end, guys. Is that you go, hey, I don't really experience loneliness. I'm not, I don't really need to be seen and known by people. Um, and I had a guy tell me that, and I said, I said, I think you're actually more lonely than you realize. You've just decided to embrace your loneliness as an antidote and actually embrace it as this weird man thing. Like, I don't need people, so I'm okay given to isolation, which Psalms or Proverbs actually says a man given to isolation is given to his own desires. It is not healthy. God has made you to be in relationship with him, other people, and in community. Those are good things. So if you find yourself like, I don't need people and I'm okay being lonely, dude, all you've done is you've looked at loneliness and said, I'm actually gonna use that as my uh, like that's gonna be my crutch, which isn't a crazy response to have. But this is the way that we feel. But understand this is something that Christ felt only one time that we know of, right? That would make sense when he's removed from the Father. But yet he understands where you are at. Romans 8, 38, and we're gonna final, we're gonna finish

"I Am With You Always"

SPEAKER_02 33:26

with these two verses, just to encourage him, we'll we'll dialogue for a minute. But this is what it says for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing's gonna separate us from ever being lonely. All we have to do is rest in Him. And then think about this. Here's Jesus. I'm always about last words. What's the last line in a movie? You know, goodwill hunting has that iconic scene. Like every what's the last line? I'm always curious. How does God close out the old covenant? What's the last words? Here's Jesus' last words on earth. And you gotta think, what's his like rah-raw moment? And it's this and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. You will not be lonely. I am with you. God addressed loneliness from the very beginning. It says in scripture that the world was full of chaos and void, nothing's there. Lonely, dark, isolated. And then what happens? God fills it. We need to understand God cares about our hearts and where we're at. And the only thing, the only thing that will ever fix it, and I know it's there for me, is to be sitting at the presence of Jesus. As cliche and Christian as that sounds, the reason it's cliche and Christian is because it is the only answer. And then we need to sit at his feet. So I encourage you guys, if you're listening to this and this is something you struggle with, even if you need to, when we're done with this, plug in a Bible. Let the words of Christ wash over you. If it needs to be Psalms 139, Psalms 23, whatever it is, just understand he understands where you're coming from and he's good and kind to meet you exactly where you're at.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

I don't know what you're expecting from me on this, but I've got nothing.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

How lonely are you, Josh? You have to give any thoughts. I know.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

I I don't I uh I don't know what lonely camp that I I would put myself in, but I definitely are emotions that I feel on the regular. And so, um yeah, I mean I I think the even the impetus of us doing this podcast was because we were at this age where and you nailed it earlier, where you you get married, you have a family, you start to serve, you you work, you do all this stuff, and then like there's this loneliness that's in that, right? Like the mundane, unfulfilling part of that of dying to yourself. And so when we place and we try to expect to find our fulfillment in those things, I think that's breeds an environment of loneliness. And so real rec recognizing and realizing that we only find that fulfillment in a relationship with Christ, like that's it. If I could probably summarize my 30s, up until then, I'm only 34. Marriage, family, business, all that stuff. I I'm I expected to get so much more fulfillment out of it. And I'm finding that the only fulfillment that I have is in Christ alone.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Amen. So I think that's probably a good place to leave it.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

It's a great place to leave it.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

All right, guys, hope you're blessed by this. If this is something that you're walking through journeying with that just feeling lonely, um, I would encourage you to first dive into scripture and then two, um walk this out in community. You know, people that you can uh uh go on this journey with together, that you can encourage each other with the word. Um I think that's a great place to to start.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

All right. Until next week.