Intro & Why Priorities Matter

SPEAKER_01 0:26

All right, welcome to the Monday Morning Men podcast. This is episode 14. I'm here with Thomas Dellinger and we are about to dive into a fun topic. Priorities coming off of last week's episode talking about peace, which definitely rocked me a little bit. I don't know about you.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I mean you wrote it, so I mean, I made myself uncomfortable if that's what we're looking for.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Um, guys, if you're enjoying the podcast, uh like it, subscribe to it, share it with somebody, um give us some feedback, info at mondaymorningmen.com.

Peace Leads to Proper Priorities

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Um, we're gonna keep this short, we're gonna dive right into it.

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We came off last week just talking about how God hit the culture he's developing in us as peace, right? This is something that I would love to kind of write about more because God is a cultural annihilator. This is something to constantly remember, guys. God does not change culture, he just radically removes it and then he instills his own. And so if we know that this is the peace that he's trying to achieve, so my hope when I, Lord willing, will write this book is kind of a three-parter. We have a cultural issue where we're writing and selling millions of copies of books on how to get rest and how to get back to the simple things in life, which are great, which are found in scripture. But really, what we're saying is that if peace is walking in harmony and wholeness with God, it looks like obedience. So we're giving tips and tricks on how to get there, but really what we're saying is obedience. So we have a cultural problem. Some of the band-aids, sure, they're accurate, but we need to address the disobedience that's going in our own life. And then if peace is what we're simply uh trying to achieve by walking with him, we then need to evaluate our priority system to see if we're actually walking in that obedience. And so, not that God allows like that we walk in obedience in certain areas, but we need to kind of have this evaluation system to see if the things that we say that we're doing that we're walking in obedience in, are we really doing that? Um the the best way to kind of like think about it is I say that you need to see if we have peace both horizontally and vertically. So we have the kind of like the vertical with God that we're walking in harmony with him. And then the best way to look at our priorities and systems, as and we'll get into this. Obviously, God says that if you love him, you'll love others. We've communicated that with our serving podcast a few episodes ago. We're gonna be able to look at, you know, kind of horizontally, is this actually taking place? Uh, so that's kind of my hope for the book that I hope will be published next year. But the big thing I want to do and break down in priorities is for us to evaluate our system. Uh, we're kind of recording this right around the time um that Ben Stass is doing a bunch of interviews. And if you've not seen him, uh, I would encourage you to just Google him. And this man who's probably gonna meet Jesus in

Life Is Short—Evaluate It Now

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the next six months, um, I don't, you know, and maybe he's already with him by the time this airs, just the kind of the stuff that's coming out of his mouth, uh, first he's an incredibly high communicator and it's amazing. But seeing the faith and the way that he is processing his death is so beautiful. But what's interesting to me is that we're all dying, and he addresses this, but but we really don't think that. We we were like, well, I mean, he's really dying. And it's like, no, friend, you can get in your car and be with Jesus in the next 20 minutes. Yeah. Um, the reality is, is we all are immortal, you know, we're not immortal. So, like, we're all the mortality is going to happen to you at some point. As we watch a man die, he's taking evaluation and his priorities and he communicates the things that he regrets and the things that he's loved that he's done or the things we should get back to. And I appreciate that he's doing that. But I would probably argue he would tell you, yeah, I'm I have four months and I'm evaluating this system. If the Lord's got, you know, given you 40 or 50 more years, why would you not evaluate that system right now? If time is that precious and the life that God has given you. So that's what we're going to be talking about today is priorities. The reality is this the average male lives to be 78. So for Josh and I, we're getting close to middle age. We're getting there within the next three or four years. So we need to be evaluating this. And as we evaluate our priorities, it becomes a lot more narrow. Listening to Ben Stass, he was talking about like just how simple, like how narrow his focus has become in priorities. And if you look at scripture, God is very narrow and focused on his priorities. And yet we as Christians will focus on just about anything else uh but but the priorities that he's given us. Um, so as we evaluate that system, I would just encourage you, you know, even if you have to right now, um, I would pause this episode and just process for yourself what are you living for and what are you simply uh trying to do to achieve. When we look at our lives, the question that I simply think we should be asked is like, we're obviously put here on this purpose, you know, on this earth with a purpose. What are you doing with it? Evaluate the list of things that you're currently trying to achieve. And if we look at that Deuteronomy chapter 20, we talked about 813 again, uh, eight verses eight through 13. If that culture that you're developing is your best life now, we have a we have a huge problem. We've talked about this in another episode. But again, we're gonna continue to bring back the same themes that we find in scripture because God has a flow, God has a way of communicating. Um, my buddy Chris, and he might be plagiarizing, he always quotes it to me like it's his original. So I don't know if it's his or not, but he always says that the true mark of a good leader is that he doesn't just understand priorities, he understands priorities proper order. So you have priorities in your life that are important, but do you have them ordered properly? As leaders in your community and your home, I want you to consider a couple of things as we attempt to walk out this fellowship with God and others. What are you prioritizing in your life? What things do you need to do better or to drop? Evaluate your life in light of scripture and in your obedience towards God and the way that you love others. Um, there's this dumb example. So, how I would

The Mason Jar: Big Rocks First

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love to break down this book. There's this dumb example that everybody's done. My dad's done it, every youth pastor's done it. It's the mason jar full of rocks. You ever seen that? So it's like you get this mason's jar mason jar and you fill it with rocks, and usually the speaker's already filled it with rocks before. And then he dumps it out, and then he gets somebody else to fill it back up, and usually it's like young kids. And essentially the example is this. And what you realize, and it's all different size rocks, the big rocks have to go in first, and then the little rocks go around it. But what you'll see is always some kid or teenager starts, they think in their mind they put the small rocks in first to build like a base, or they're not paying attention, and then they will not be able to fit the exact same amount of rocks in that jar. The reason is cliche as that example is I think it really holds true to us. Like you are this mason jar. What rocks are you putting in? And I'm finding the older I get, sometimes I'm putting some really, really small rocks in there and they're going in first, and I'm missing some of the big ones. Or I look around in our Christian culture, I'm like, we have some huge rocks that we're just not even addressing. Um, so if we believe that we're on this borrowed time, you know, Ben Stas realizes he's on borrowed time, and we look at our mason jar, the value system of what we're putting in there, again, it's the same thing. Are you evaluating what you're doing in your life? Part of that unrest that you probably have going on that we talked about peace in the episode before is because you're like, yeah, I'm dissatisfied with the little rocks I'm putting in there.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Yeah.

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Like I'm not evaluating the things that God has asked us to do. So what we're gonna do is we're just gonna let, we're gonna follow the flow

Seek God's Kingdom Before Everything Else

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and the thought product uh thought pattern of God, which I wouldn't encourage you to always do. Uh, this is found in Matthew chapter six. God obliterates our priorities and worldly priorities of what we think is important. So before you start excusing yourself, well, it's a priority. I'm not saying that it's not something that you should do or it's not important, but God just annihilates quite literally, which we, you know, he's an annihilator when it comes to culture. He says this in verse 31 Do not worry and say, what shall we eat? What shall we drink, or what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows what you need. I mean, I don't know about you, but like getting dressed and eating a pretty basic priority and pretty high on my list. And yet God's saying, Don't even worry about them, but seek his kingdom first, and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Big rock that goes in first before you're eating and before you even get dressed is seeking him. Now your your entire evaluation system should be taking a whole 360 and going, wait a second, I'm looking at everything right now. This isn't I my evaluation is problematic. My mason jar is full of things that are just not important. So if priority one is to seek his kingdom, how do we do that? It starts with the mindset. That's Colossians 3, 2. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Now we we understand, okay, I'm seeking his kingdom first. By doing that, we're looking upwards at him. And then practically we're walking it out every day, which is found Matthew chapter 22, 37, 38. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and your strength. This is the first and greatest commandment. So the reality is that it looks like practical obedience. So the first thing that you're doing is you're seeking his kingdom. The way that you seek it is by looking at him. And then by looking at him, you're walking in obedience. It's not rocket science, it's just simple obedience, guys. I've warned you before this podcast is not a high intellectual. If you're looking for some deep theological uh study on certain things, this is not the podcast for you. But if you're looking to just radically change your life and to challenge the way that you're walking in obedience, this is the podcast that we're hoping it convicts you and strives you a little bit closer to him. So here's the breakdown I would put

The Two Greatest Priorities: God & People

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on priorities. I will put them in two primary categories. We kind of talked about this at the beginning. First is that vertical, our relationship with God, and then it's that horizontal, our relationship with others. And in that, we're trying to achieve fellowship, which is looks like peace. We're simply walking this out. Let's start with the vertical of loving God. Oswald Chambers said this, and it's awesome. Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third. And your life is continually face to face with God. You're in constant thought of him. He should be in constant thought of us. We should be praying without ceasing, delving into his word every day, finding out who he says he is, worshiping his name and song. I mean, this is basic stuff that we're not doing. And you can sit there and be like, I know this, Thomas. I'm like, okay, then great. Are you doing it? I mean, like, that's always going to be my response. Is that big rock going in your mason jar? Or do you just have it sitting on the table and you're like, I know it's important. But always remember this that if you're really walking, or if you really are declaring yourself like I'm a Christian and I love God, I'm not saying you're gonna walk it perfectly, but you are walking in some sort of obedience. Our lives must coincide with his will. It's that simple. And the most practical way that he has us do this to show that we love him is by loving others. Matthew 25, we're gonna read the next nine verses.

Matthew 25: The Test of Real Faith

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And just because I want to make this as simple for you guys to apply. We're on Monday morning. You can walk this out this week. You're like, okay, I love God. I'm gonna worship him, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna read my Bible. And I have guys that do this. There are guys that I believe that are reading their Bibles, they're checking their boxes. But when it comes to like the litmus test, it's always found in the way that we love others. So this is 31. Listen to this. And we're just gonna give the space for scripture to speak. When the Son of Man comes in glory and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as shepherds separate the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. I mean, this is the this is the moment, right? The judgment seat of Christ, this kind of moment where some of us are there's always a little bit like, what's gonna happen? You know, here he's describing it. Then the king will say to those on his right, Come, you who are blessed by my father, inherit the kingdom, prepared for you from the foundation of the world, right? That's the moment we all pray that he's talking to us. And this is like, here we go. How how does he know that they're a part of him? For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. Then the righteous will answer him and said, Say, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you or thirsty and give you drink? Can I just talk about we've talked about humility? They don't even realize they've been kind to people. It's just like this is a normal thing for them. And when did you see a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison to visit you? And the king will answer them and say, Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these, my brothers, you did it unto me. Your priorities are that simple. He lays out the most unassuming manner that uproots everything in your life. God should be the centerfold of all of our affection and all of our desire. And the way that we do that is yes, by communing with him on the basic way that we develop our relationship, and then we walk that out by loving others. If I ever finish writing this book, like the my goal is to break this down into more detail. So you kind of have a three-part, you got a cultural problem, you have peace, and now we have to evaluate our priority system so that we're walking out this true fellowship with him. And because we have a bad system, this is why we're not walking in peace and fellowship. Before I give you a couple of practical things to think about, here's a simple challenge to see where your priorities are. I have a men's Bible study I do every other Tuesday, and I had the guys do this.

Your Calendar Reveals Your Heart

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I said, You want to know where your priorities lie? Open up your calendar. What's it full of? And dude, like I did that one mine. It is not a good look. And I was like, this will make you see what is important to you.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

You have an evaluation. Is it for yourself? Is it selfish ambition? Is it I mean, no offense, like I hope you're being hospitable. And I think that's amazing. Is it being hospitable to your friends that are already awesome that you love? Or are you taking in the needy and the ones that you're clothing? Are you serving other people? Is in your calendar your vacations and your best life now, or is it full of things that you're doing by loving other people and serving God? Look, I'm not against any of those things, but if we're evaluating our system, which Ben Stass is, and a lot of these Christians that are trying to get us back to the basics are evaluating your system. Open your calendar, it will tell you exactly where your heart lies. Normal everyday stuff is fine, but we're not normal everyday people. We're peculiar people who are literally been developed and created for the glory of God. Our lives should be centered and radically changed by his love, and we should be radically centered in his love and want to turn, you know, show other people around us that he's everything to us. Luke 12, 34 says this for where your treasure is, your heart will be also your calendar, I would argue. We love applying this to money, but how about your time? So it does apply to your finances, but it also applies to your time. We protect our time and our money so so much here in this nation, and even like the way that we approach it with different things. Uh, God just wants us to give all of that back to Him. So look at your calendar, pull it out, and pull over the side of the road, whatever you get to work, and evaluate what your priorities are. So sit down with your wife. This is what I would do this week. Here's one of the practical ways

Practical Steps to Reset Your Priorities

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you can do this. You're evaluating your priorities, you know, in your calendar. Sit down with your wife or your family and write out. I would start writing out what needs to be our priority. My goal for this book is to actually sit down with a bunch of older men. What were the things that you love that were priorities that you did well and things that you didn't that you wish were, and things that you made a priority that shouldn't have been. So that's gonna be one thing that I want to put in there. But for you guys, you can start right now. What needs to stay, what needs to be added, what needs to go. I'm gonna give an example. My one of my buddies uh four years ago, and I remember softly rebuking him because on the weekends they were doing a lot of travel baseball, and this is gonna hurt for some of you guys doing a lot of travel baseball, which means they were missing church, they were missing activities. And I was like, dude, this is not, I'm so sorry. This isn't, you don't have the freedom to do this. Not found in scripture. Uh, there's this cheesy uh church sign that says, um, what does it say? It says something like Connor may or may not play for in the major leagues, but Connor will stand before the King of Kings. So the reality is our priority system. I'm not saying that your kid can't play baseball and my kids play sports, but your evaluation system has got to like be in proper order. I can't give you your general direction. I would encourage you this. This is how you do it. So as you evaluate your system and you evaluate what you're putting as a priority, as you're putting these rocks back in the mason jar, there's a little self-responsibility and self-reflection that needs to take place. While we want to help you and guide you, we encourage you to open the scripture. What does God say you need to be focused on? What does God say you need to uproot? And you know in your heart, you know the things that you're evaluating and the things that you're taking time for. And and and you just always will. Like, I mean, it doesn't take, and if you and if you really don't know, your wife and your kids will. And if you really don't know, I'm sure the people around you, you can ask. And I've and I, you know, I'd be more than happy to tell you. No, I'm just messing. So as you embark on this journey, we we've trying to give you the easiest, you know, ways to kind of apply this um in your life as you as you look at your priority system. Make it super simple, open up the word of God, write it down, talk to people around you. But I'm gonna give you one last example, just as you kind of give you kind of like a, I don't know, um just an idea as you process this. We'll be like this. You know that one of the priorities that needs to go in there is family discipleship or or as a leader. This is a call that we've talked about in other podcasts. So it's gonna look different for everybody, but we know that this is still what you're called to as a leader of your home. You're the provider, protector, you're the priest. So loving your wife and your kids, shepherding their heart needs to become a priority. So maybe in your calendar, hey, family devotions are taking place every single morning or every single night at this time. You know, we're eating to dinner together, right? This is a large priority. And under that umbrella, it can look like smaller little things that you need to do, but start something like this. This is what God has called me to do. This is what I know I need to do, and it needs to take place. You know, you're called to hospitality, which we find in scripture, which is in Timothy. So then you're gonna be like, I'm called to hospitality. Once a week we have a family over, and maybe we're not gonna have as many friends over, but we're gonna have this family that doesn't have friends or a needy couple over. Stuff like this. I'm just trying to help you think outside the box to give you some practical ways. You need to strategize right now. You strategize everything that's important to you. You will watch YouTube videos, you will add AI to everything to strategize your life. Why on earth would you not strategize in the priorities about the thing God's God cares about? Ben Stass is about to meet Jesus and he's evaluating his whole life. Friend, you're about to meet Jesus at some point. You need to care about the thing God cares about. It's time that we change our mindset. I love quoting someone when we kind of end, but I think I'm gonna defer to Jesus,

Count the Cost of Following Jesus

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obviously the greatest to ever quote. And he kind of paints a picture of what our priorities and how we should walk this out. It's Luke 14, 25 through 32, and we'll wrap it up here. Now, great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and his mother and his wife and his children and his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. What do you love, guys? Ask yourself right now, what do you love? Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you desiring to build a tower does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? You're strategizing about your schedule, your calendar runs your life. Why are you not sitting down counting the cost? And hopefully the cost is laying your own life down. Here's what he says in verse 29. Otherwise, when he's laid a foundation, he is not able to finish, and all who see it begin to mock him. Is your life a mockery? Like is your life a joke? Is this why you're so unhappy? Because you're building a frivolous life. Verse 30 saying, This man began to build and was not able to finish. Or what king going out to encounter another king in war will not sit down first and deliberate, deliberate whether he is able with 10,000 to meet him who comes against him with 20,000? Are you evaluating your system like, Am I raising godly kids? Am I raising them up in Jesus? Is my life fruitful? Verse 32. And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. There's that word again. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all, remember, God's a cultural annihilator who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. This, the last two episodes, I hope should just really change your life in a way. And I'm not talking about like, oh yeah, it changed my life. No, I'm talking like uncomfortably.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

You're chasing peace and fellowship. The priority is God, and it will cost you something. It should cost you everything, but it will cost you something. It's time we make him the center of our lives again.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

You mentioned that obviously the first thing, the first priority seeking his kingdom. For somebody who's who may be in this stage of their life where they feel like they're drowning in responsibility. And it's like they're up early, they go to the gym, then they go to work, and then it's home, and then it's like evening activity with the kids. Like, how does somebody integrate that first priority into every area of their life?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

We have this like saying like in the workplace, and you you and I both are in there, it's grind season. You ever hear people say that? I hate that word. I want to slap them. I'm like, bro, every season's a grind season. It just is. Part of that's being a Uh Christian, but I think, you know, I I I know that it because it's so fresh on my mind. And and and Ben's Ben Sass is just really articulating it really well because he's at the end and this is kind of the season that we're in. And and a priority really narrows this focus. He regrets how much he traveled. He regrets how long he's spent in hotel rooms. He regrets the things that he made a decision. So I'm not saying you need to quit your job or anything like that. The only person that knows that is you and God. But what I am telling you is that the evaluation when seeking his kingdom first, if that becomes a priority, you will make every effort to make that a priority. You schedule your life around eating breakfast and lunch and dinner. Why would you not schedule it? I I know it sounds like, well, that's just easy to say. It is easy to say. I'm not, yes, it's very hard. I can't speak to how you're practically going to do this because I don't know your life, but I do know men. And men will do, we will move mountains to hit a tea time. We will move mountains to have some sort of self-indulgence. And I promise you, you have some sort of self-indulgence somewhere. Just a little bit, some more than others. For some guys, it's like even the self-indulgence of I need to hit the gym. I just need to sweat and I need that, you know, quick little hit of whatever. That's fine. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I'm saying you will, you will prioritize the things that are important to you. And you know that. So as you look and you look at your calendar and you're like, well, it's a grind season and I'm trying. I'm sorry, it's not an excuse. It's just not. I don't know how else to help you. And I know that's not a really good answer for you. You're like, you want a tip and a trick. And I'm telling you, you need to annihilate the culture in your heart. Wow. I know that's a little extreme. I'm so sorry. So extreme. I know. But but hey, Bodhi Bakam always said, I don't write the mail, I just deliver

The Biggest Priority Mistakes Men Make

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it.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

What do you what do you think are some of the most common things that are major just misalignments, like things that need to be cut off.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

This is a whole can of worms for me. I'm you know, you and I have been talking about this, and this is something like I've been really reevaluating our Western cultures, society in general. Um, I even have some friends that's like swimming against a tsunami, like it's that strong of a current. But I I think some of the biggest things that we are doing right now is we are chasing stuff. And I don't mean you're like, well, I'm not highly materialistic. I would argue contrary to that. We have an extremely materialistic society, so we chase it by by saying we're providing for our families. You're providing for your best life, let's just be honest. So I think one of the priorities that we mess up is is simply trading our time and for money. The second thing I think we do is we trade our our um our rest for entertainment. So instead of resting and fellowshipping with, we we view rest as like being able to check out and indulge in that as opposed to fellowshipping with God, fellowshipping with believers. So our priorities of just really self-serving, selfish ambition. If I can narrow it down to one word, it is selfish ambition, yeah, would be the biggest priorities. I think even as you evaluate your time with your kids and in their schooling or their sports or the things that you're chasing, I just I see some people that I'm like, you are so busy and you're so busy with yourself. It's the craziest thing. And me too. Like I look at when I I looked at my wife. We just recently got back from a trip and I looked at her, I said, our calendar is getting an overhaul. And I said, I refuse to continue to live my life this way. So we're walking it out, we're kind of falling, failing forward, I guess is the best way to say it. But this is the thing that we're doing it, and the things that are priority will be on our list. We're living right now in 765 square feet. It's the worst, by the way. But we are gonna continue to be hospitable, invite families over. We will have people over because this becomes a priority. Does that make sense? Like I don't want to ramble on this. I just want you guys to, as you're thinking, like as you evaluate your priority system, it's easy to look at what God says in scripture and you go, I want to take this and I want to try to fit it into my life. No, friend, your life fits around this. And it sounds like semantics, but it's really not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

It may be overwhelming for somebody who is stuck in that whirlwind or has been caught up in that whirlwind of this like Western culture. Yes, just go, go, go, hustle, like always doing something, the calendar's full. So it can be very intimidating to overhaul that. And you're like, we've got all of these things, the kids are doing this, whatever it is. But I would encourage people to just like spend time in prayer and ask the Lord for that one thing. Like, what's that one thing that we can start with to like reshift our priorities as a family?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

If if it needs to, let's start with dinner every night around the dinner table. Yeah. Why don't you start there? Right. If that's not happening in your home, uh like for I know I I had someone tell me this the other day, they're like, We eat dinner maybe once a week as a family. Like, you have young kids, like what the heck? Like it mind blow- I didn't even know what to say. I'm rarely speechless. And I was like, wait, what? You reval that that that life has to change. Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

You know? Yeah. So like little little things like that. And then I think that's the gateway to recognize more things. So just start with that one thing. Maybe pick something this week that's like, hey, yep, we got to cut this off. Like, we can't do all of these things. And just pick the one thing.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Pick the one thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Talk with your spouse and start there.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Start there. And then, yeah, and let him let him overhaul your entire life. He wants to annihilate the the culture that we've developed. Unfortunately, it's super unhealthy.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

I love it. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Good stuff. All right. Well, I hope

One Change That Can Transform Your Family

SPEAKER_01 28:07

you're blessed by what we talked about today. Share this with somebody who is mismanaging their calendar. Probably share it with your wife, honestly, so we can all get on the same page. Yeah. Um, and spend time in prayer. Ask God which what uh things you've uh had some misalignment in your priorities with his kingdom. So um, yeah, until next week.