SPEAKER_01 0:26

Welcome to the Monday Morning Men podcast. We are bridging the gap between your Sunday morning sermon and your Monday morning reality of life as a man of God who has, you know, like if you're like us, we've got kids, we work, we're just laymen that are trying to understand scripture more, love Jesus more, and walk that out practically. Yes. Yeah. Um if you like what we've got in this podcast, please subscribe. Um if you've got specific topics that you want to have covered, learn more about, got prayer requests, whatever it is, email us at infotmondaymorningmen.com and Thomas will respond to you. One day. One day. Um on that note, we're gonna dive into today's topic of joy. Yeah. Um, I'm excited about this one because this is something that I've been praying into a lot recently, just to experience joy more in my life.

Why Joy Feels Hard in Your 30s

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And so when I saw that this was the topic, I was like, all right, well, we'll see if we can hopefully provide some clarity and some motivation for us to walk in joy. Um, I think this is a near and dear topic to myself. And this is not coming from a place of honestly, like a ton of I mean, I have done some studies on it in scripture, but it's not like this has been uh my mantra for a long time. But I have noticed that, and this just could be me, but if you're listening to this and you are a male in your 30s, that it's a fleeting thing. I don't know. I have some thoughts behind this is a whole nother topic that we could open up on why joy seems to be so fleeting in our 30s. Um I think it's I think 30s can be a really unique place for us. And maybe you listen to this, you can feel like the monotony of life. It feels mundane, yeah, maybe unfulfilling. Um, and it can be a hard, lonely place. Basically the opposite of joy. I mean, that's what I'm basically saying. It's the opposite. So I'm I'm excited for this topic just because I I think for a lot of us it maybe it can help realign our focus a little bit to maybe walk in some joy and some things that we're struggling with. It's not gonna the this topic's not gonna like all of a sudden make your problems go away or anything like this, but

Happiness vs. Joy (Key Difference)

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at least maybe refocus us and recenter us um, you know, just back in Jesus. Um, but yeah, let's talk about joy because this is important. I think this is important for a lot of people, uh, you know, a lot of men right now, because we seek joy in just about everywhere else, but where it needs to be rooted in. Um, really, we're seeking happiness, we're not seeking joy. I think everybody listening to this, if if you know, if you've been around the block, you know that joy and happiness are two different things. If you were to do a quick search on happiness or joy, if you want to do your Chat GPT or your Google or honestly, even if you I've gone through different dick, you know, uh dictionaries and different definitions from Webster's 1828 to Mary and Webster, they all kind of say the same thing when it when you want to break down the difference between happiness and joy. Um, happiness is typically fleeting, right? We agree with this. And it's a response to something external or something that happened to you, um, and it's a feeling based on those circumstances. So it's something that, you know, this is how I kind of put at it. Happiness comes to you, but joy flows from you. So if we're in a place of where our external circumstances, right, are problematic, then we're not happy. And the reality is, is when you get in your 30s, I don't care what kind of success you've had, there's an emptiness with some of those that those external things. And it's like, oh, these things that I was chasing are no longer making me happy. And that's because there's no joy in you that's flowing from you. Um, I was reading an article by Insight Psychology, which, by the way, former life, I think I would love to have been a psychologist. Isn't that crazy? Like, I if I genuinely could go back back to school, and if I want to do something, I don't know why. It just fascinates me. You would be the worst. I would be the worst. I would be like, you know, I've heard you talk for a while and I agree you are a terrible person. You know what? You are 100% right. You are the problem in that relationship. I'm sorry if you're listening to that. And you have a great psychologist, a therapist, good for you, because I'm not it. Uh, but I was reading an article. Insights Psychology wrote an article on what brings us the most joy. They referenced different studies in there, including the Harvard study of adult development. There's lots of, there's some great research in it. Short little article is awesome. Um, if you want to Google it and find it or want to link, I can even post that. But they they intermingle the words happiness and joy, which is interesting because they even define them a little bit differently. But whatever. It's it's a little sloppy writing to me, but it is uh it is what it is, and just an FYI if you end up reading that article. But but they, along with every major published word and kind of like the whole academia,

What Actually Brings Real Joy

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agree on one thing that when it comes to joy that we should be seeking, um, that gives us the most fulfillment, and we agree with them as Christians, is that deep relational connections bring us the most joy. You want to look up what brings you the most joy. You can Google it, you can have your AI, you can ask anybody. This is the number one thing, period, is deep relational connection. And it's funny because you hear those buzz words, even in like the whole Christendom kind of world. It's community and connection and relationship and small groups, right? We understand that this is important, we just don't do it very well. Um I want to kind of give this example of like that feeling of joy. So you can just, you know, if you're listening to this, just so maybe you can kind of draw this parallel. I don't know if you have a kid, but hopefully, you know, if you're marrying you have a kid, this is really, you know, relatable. When I get home from work and my son Noah like runs up or he turns around and he sees I'm there. The look he gives me, first it's like he thinks like God entered the room, which just makes you feel like a million bucks. But he looks at you and he's just so excited to see me. I don't care what kind of day I've had. I don't, he doesn't care what kind of day he's had. And I see him, and I'm immediately respond with this like love and that feeling that you get, like, there is no greater feeling. Like, if you could bottle that up, I mean, that's what I imagine what like drugs are like. Like, I can only imagine, like, I don't really know what they're doing for you, but like it is a feeling of just it's euphoric. Yeah, and it's amazing. That joy of that moment. Maybe for you, if you're recently married, it's on your wedding day when you you're at the altar and you your eyes meet, whatever it is. That's that

The Biblical Source of Joy

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kind of relational connection of seeing one another, feeling seen, right? And you seeing them. It's a beautiful connection. I'm gonna give a ton of scripture right now. So just sit back, listen to the scripture. Buckle up, buckle up, people. This is the back half of Nehemiah 8 10. Um, that verse. This is the day, this day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is our strength. God is the source of our joy, right? We understand this. This is a quote everybody says, the joy of the Lord is our strength. They've written songs about this. Basic concept that we've understood. But I really want to point this out to you. So if we understand that our joy comes from God, right? And it's a deep connection with Him. Listen to how beautiful this is. That picture I just painted. I read this uh every Thursday with the kids, number six, twenty four, and twenty-six, we do Shabbat. And uh this is what I read to them. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. The joy of the Lord is when he looks at you and you see him. If we are reading the scriptures and we're pursuing him, our ultimate joy is being seen by God and seeing who he is. If you're wrestling with something in your life and you just need to pause for a second and just pray to him, let him see you and let him see the bareness of your heart, do it right now. Listen to 2 John 1.12. You don't you you know, this is not a it's so funny to me that even when you read a lot of these journals, uh that like you know, these uh psychology journals and all these different kind of uh articles that are out there, that that connection of even seeing one another, physically seeing, is such a big deal. And it's not their idea. Listen to 2 John 1.12. I have much to write you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Or I'm gonna say pause and say, I'm not gonna call you, I'm not gonna FaceTime you, I'm not going to message you, or I'm not gonna see you on social media, and says sis. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face so that our joy may be complete. There is something about that deep, intimate connection of being seen, right? And then seeing them. First Peter 1, 8 and 9. Though you have not seen him, because there's understanding that that seeing is so incredible, you love him. And even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an unexpressible and glorious joy. For you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. We may not physically be able to see God, but we can internally see God, right? The idea of seeing him through the scriptures, seeing what he's doing in our lives, the way that he comes to us in our time of need and provides peace. It's a glorious joy, it says. We'll get into some application here in a second, but just understand that he is everything. Psalms 118, 24. This is the day the Lord is made. We will rejoice and be glad or joyful in it. We even get out of bed in the morning because we know God is here. The reason it may be early this morning, but what excites me is that I know he's here and he's present. What motivates me comes from the inside of me, which I know God is inside, right? We know that he has made a home, and now this joy flows from me. It's not my external circumstances and whatever happens today. I can still live at a place of joy because I see him rightly. I have this emotional connection with him, and from that will flow joy. There's a Hebrew phrase in that, uh, in that verse, and and I would butcher this Hebrew, and I apologize. Like, if it's it's called Nagalava Vanismecha, and it just simply means like that that joyful in it, and it's a it's a wedding song that a lot of them sing, meaning like that same

Why Joy Keeps You Out of Sin

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emotional connection that you find on your wedding day, that we will rejoice and be joyful in it, that same intimacy, even the like that whole Hebrew Jewish culture understands that when we talk about joy, it's an emotional deep connection, which we're making with God. Here are a couple thoughts, though, about joy that is really, really important to understand. One, a joy-filled life, and this is where I really concern for men in their 30s, but listen to this a joy-filled life helps keep sin at bay. And here's why it's important they say that 30-year-old men are 30% more likely to have some sort of addiction. Alcohol, drugs, overeating, um, uh Netflix, you know, we weasily throw porn out there or whatever it is. Those are all things that we shouldn't be doing. You're probably doing something in excess, right? Scrolling. Scrolling, yeah, seriously. Whatever it is, you're doing something in excess. I can see this on my life, maybe watching, it can be an abundance of sports. You're trying to fill your life with some happiness, right? Because it's not joy-filled. And if you're joy-filled, it keeps a lot of that sin at bay, right? John Mark Comer says the best way, and I'm paraphrasing for him, says the best way to ward off sin is to be full of joy. He alludes to the fact that sin is an attempt at quick happiness. And you know what? He's not wrong. I just did devotions with kids uh the other day, and we were reading, and we had some kids over that are not mine. And uh, my kids always know when I ask a question, I'm usually setting them up for something. So they're always warier. They they answer the way that they they they know that is opposite of what they do. The Bible.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah. Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

They're just like, yeah, they don't want to play that game. But these other kids did not know that. And I just said, Is sin fun? And of course, these my kids were just like, we're not even gonna touch that. They just kept their mouth shut. It's a trap. They're like, they're probably thinking yes, but they're like, I don't know how dad's gonna take this. And of course, the other kids were like, no, sin is bad. And I was like, no, sin is fun, sin is very fun. And they're like, obviously, these kids are like, What is happening? Um, but Hebrews 11:25, Proverbs 20, 17, and Proverbs 9:17. If you don't believe me, sin is pleasurable for a season. It even says Jesus did not even give up his inheritance because of a pleasurable season with sin. There's a sense of where sin gives you happiness for a moment. We know that the end is not happy, but it gives you happiness for a moment. And if we understand that it's pleasurable, we we like that kind of quick dopamine hit. So we'll chase it in a different way. And the way that we'll chase it is by our external circumstances, as opposed to sitting here with God and his word, praying, worship music, different things like that, that we can ultimately see him rightly and him see us and let that joy flow from us. It will ultimately, if you're struggling with sin right now, I'm willing to bet you struggle with joy because ultimately he's not satisfying. You're seeking something else to satisfy. And if that dissatisfaction's with you, get on your knees every day. And if that means I've got to get up early and just seek Jesus and say, Thank you for everything. Please fill me with joy. Let me see you today, right? This will help break some bondage in your sin life. Quit seeking that happiness. It is fun and it does fulfill for a moment, but quit going back to that because ultimately in there is death, right? And we understand that. Two, God wants you to have a joyful life. You have to understand this is a desire from him. John 15, 11 says, I have told you this so that my joy may be in

God Wants You to Live with Joy

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you and that your joy may be complete. This is Jesus talking. He wants your joy to be complete. Quit chasing this other stuff. Like if you're listening to this, can I can I encourage you? Like, I hope that you enjoy your music or whatever you're listening to, but if you can even take the car time to pray or to just listen to scripture and realize that this is what makes you happy, like the internal joy, that it's not listening to some quick dopamine hit or listening to some video or whatever. Please do this because Jesus wants you to walk in complete joy. John 10 10 says this the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, right? We understand that he wants to take something from you. I have come, Jesus is saying this, that they may come to have life and have it to the full or in abundance. He wants you to have full, complete joy. The thief, right? Satan would love to do nothing better than to steal it. And we understand that this is a a huge problem right now. When we can microwave our dinners, we have instant gratification in everything. We can have instant hints of happiness, right? Look at just like, I mean, there's an alcohol on every, and I'm not against that. That's a whole nother conversation, but there's alcohol everywhere you look, right? There's a sense of like we want to, there's food everywhere you want, right? That we have a real consumer mentality because we want to give you the happiness, external happiness to give you right now. The problem is we keep going back to that well instead of the living water, right? The well that has no end that will thirst no more, which is Jesus, our complete and full joy. We haven't had any quotes yet. I've been a little light on the quotes lately, which you know I'm a big quote guy. Let's just get to get into some quotes. Here's some great biblical minds, right? Let's see what they say about joy. C.S. Lewis says this joy is the serious business of heaven. What a great quote. I love it because it's like we we think joy is just like the happy old lady at church. You know, it's like, well, she's out of her mind anyway. No wonder she's happy. Like, none of the problems of life right there, right? Like, she's not even thinking straight. No, joy is the serious business of heaven. We see that your joy may be complete. Jesus talking, he wants this for you. This is not about just fake happiness either. GK Chesterton says this God made us for joy. God is joy, and the joy of the living reflects the original joy that God felt in creating us. Wow, what a great statement that he actually felt joy when he made you. When he actually created you. Surely we serve a good master, we do, who makes peace and joy so essential to our religion. Like peace and joy, right? When it the angels came to tell the shepherds, right? Peace is here, the redeemer of all. Joy is here. Your joy may be complete. This is what scripture says. So I I don't know where you are in your life, but I know I need more joy. And if you're, I I feel like a lot of my friends, we could all use a little bit more joy. I don't know if it's this day and age. I don't know if it could be this has probably been for all of eternity. I don't think our depravity changes that much. But there are a lot of quick dopamine hits that we're chasing that are problematic. But let's try to incorporate some joy in our life. So let's get into some applications. Uh, James 1,2. We know that we're supposed to have joy in all circumstances. We understand that voice. Everybody says that. And they

5 Practical Ways to Cultivate Joy

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always quote it to you when you're going through literal hell. Which can I just, if you're that friend, please stop. Like, your friend is just like, I lost my job, my dog died. And you're like, well, have joy. You're like, just shut up, dude. Like, please stop. So if you're that guy, that's not helpful. But for you, if you're going through it, how do we cultivate joy in our lives? In that article, I actually started off with, they actually give seven different ways that we can cultivate joy. And here's what's crazy out of those seven, five of them are found in scripture. One of them was like exercise, which is obviously not a scriptural thing, but like they were all practical things that we're just going to kind of go through real quick. One, prioritize relationships. We already just read an abundant of verses that God wants us to rock in relationship with Him and with our community. How you do that, you're like, well, I'm a lonely person. Can I just tell you, I don't care if you don't feel like it. I'll never forget. I there are a couple of guys that I have in my life that I'm like, they're like, I'm just not in the mood. I'm like, well, I'm gonna sit here. Or I'm gonna call you, and vice versa. I need you to, or they'll call me. I've had calls that I know are coming in to check on my heart from men, and I'm not in the mood. But I force myself to pick it up because that I know that connection, even though it's annoying to me, ultimately will provide me with joy. Yeah. Prioritize the relationship. Prioritize your relationship with your wife, with your kids, and then ultimately with God. If this is our source of joy, if you understand this is the answer, and it sounds super Christian that reading the Bible and praying, you're gonna prioritize the relationship with both God and with his uh bride. Two, practice gratitude. For the sake of time, I'll only give you one verse, but a quick search will tell you there are many verses about gratitude, and it's kind of how it flows into joy. First Thessalonians 15, 16 through 18. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. For this is the for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. You want joy, you walk with gratefulness. People that are most usually joyful are people that are usually, I mean, look at even more like impoverished people, right? Because they're so grateful for every single thing in their life that they're not chasing these quick happiness. They're like, we're just grateful for food and water. Yeah. Have have gratefulness. They put uh three, they have engage in meaningful activities. They're referring to being purposeful in whatever you do, which we should be the most purpose-filled people ever as Christians, right? You understand that. Timothy 1.9 says, Who saved us and called us to a holding calling, not because of our works, but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began. God has a purpose for you. Walk it out. Whatever he's laid on your heart, do that thing. And it can be super simple. You know you're to read your Bible every day. Do that thing, right? You know you're to disciple your family, do that thing. You know you're to serve your neighbor, do that thing. Whatever it is, be purposeful in all that you do. That will cultivate joy. The other one they have is number four, cultivating mindfulness. They're talking about like mindful meditation, like you know, sitting and doing yoga or clearing your head or whatever. We know we're to meditate on God's word.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

We're not to empty our brain, we're to fill it with God's living and breathing and joy-filled scriptures. Jeremiah 15, 16 says, When I found your words, I devoured them. And your words were my joy, the happiness of my heart, because I bear your name, Lord, God of hosts. This is our joy. Read your Bible, people, please. Number five, give back. Right? Donations, they're talking about serving your time. Even the world understands that it's more blessed to give and receive. Acts 20, 35, in all things I've shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of our Lord Jesus, how he sent to how he said himself, it is more blessed to give than to receive. We read 1 Peter 4 10 uh in the podcast before, and it's such a good verse. Each of you've received a gift, use it to serve others as good stewards of God's varied grace. Those are five quick things that you can apply. You're gonna cultivate your mindfulness, you're gonna serve others, you're gonna prioritize your relationship, all these different things that you can do to walk in joy

Real-Life Stress: How to Choose Joy Anyway

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right now. It is not, it's not a quick fix. It's gonna be a habitual thing that you do every day. You're gonna have to wake up and choose joy. You wake up to read your scriptures, you do these things, but ultimately quit chasing those quick dopamine hits and instead change. The one that ultimately gives us joy, which is Jesus Christ. So good.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Okay. I mean, all this stuff is good in theory, right? Right. Yes. But how do you walk this out practically when you come home from a long day of work and like the house is a mess, the dishes are stacked up? I love this question. Uh your hot water heater just broke, your wife came home from Target and spent hundreds of dollars. You've got a dental bill for your kids who have four cavities. Yes, yes. You know, the the stuff that we deal with as men and heads of our family.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

I think you just literally described my day yesterday. Um there's a book called The Power and Full Engagement, which is not a Christian book, and I I'm not going to recommend everything in there, but there's a unique thing where he talks about before even walking in that he pauses in his car so that he engages in every aspect so he's an intentional relationship. Which um I think it's Matt Chandler that said that he does the exact same thing, that he'll open up his Bible before going inside, read a Psalms, or he will pray in his car. So the best thing that I do, and I still do this sometimes when I've had a long day, I will pull my truck behind the garage and I'll sit there for five to seven minutes and I'll pray. I'm like, Lord, I'm aligning myself with you right now because I know when I walk in that door, dinner is not gonna be ready, the trash is gonna be overflowing, the dishes are not gonna be done, everybody's gonna want my attention and I have nothing left to give. But I need you in this moment to let joy flow from me. And do I walk in that door like a super Christian? No. Like if you think that it's always, but it's that that habitual response that I promise you God will meet you. And it's not this like, like it sounds just fake, like it's not gonna work, but I promise you, if you can do that, just be intentional right before you walk in the door. That would be my first tip just to do pause in your car, take a second, acknowledge God, ask him to fill you with joy, and then walk in and try to bring that same joy to your family. Breathe life into them. It's good stuff. I I would say that the second way you can do that too is like if you're purposeful in your time when you get home, specifically, because you're gonna get home and everything's gonna be kind of the crap's gonna hit the fan. When I get home, I know that there are there are two things specifically I have to do. My wife and I connect daily. So I know that she needs me. It's very hard for me, but she likes that. So I'm gonna connect with her. I need to accomplish that, and I'm gonna do family devotions. Being purposeful with my time, which we talked about that, is one of

Relationships vs. Surface-Level “Happiness”

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the ways to cultivate joy. Because I know when I go in there, I'm not just turning the TV on, I'm checking out of the family, I'm just gonna eat and go to bed or do whatever. Because I know I'm about to be purposeful with my time, it does motivate me and it provides some sort of satisfaction that I've not wasted my night and I've been super purposeful. So that's another way you could do it.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

That's good. Uh, quick question have you do you have any examples of stuff that you've gone through where you thought you were pursuing joy, but you just and in the end discovered it was just happiness and it was something that came and went.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

I think you could do that in relationships a little bit. I know we're supposed to prioritize them. Um but but true authentic relationships are are are deep, intimate, and they're humble and they are they sharpen you. So sometimes I think I've chased relationships with people that made me feel good, or I thought that it was a relationship and it was just maybe a one-way street or whatever it is. So I think sometimes you can chase that. And then the reason I'm telling you you guys this as you're listening to this, when I say prioritize relationship, I don't mean your buddy that you're throwing back beers with and watching a game with. That's happiness, right? You like your buddy. I'm not saying don't do that. That's a great thing. I'm glad you have a friend that you can hang out with and watch football with. But but that's not true joy. I the true joy comes from a relationship that may even provide a little conflict. True relationship like your wife, right? Or or or a friend that you can open up to. So I think sometimes you can be careful as even chasing happiness just in in relationships that are superficial. Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Awesome. Well, thank you for listening. Uh, hope you're blessed by this. And just like, subscribe, share this with somebody who you think would be blessed by this message. There's this is a trend I'm not trying to create.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

But everybody just loses their friends after listening to this. I know, like nobody's ever gonna share this.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Yeah, it's awesome. Uh, all right, we'll see you next week. All right.