Monday Morning Men

Ep 003 | Pride Is Killing Your Growth (The Power of Real Humility)

• Thomas Dellinger • Episode 3

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0:00 | 25:08

Everyone talks about confidence.

But almost no one talks about the thing destroying your growth:

👉 Pride.

In this episode of Monday Morning Men, we break down what real humility actually is—and why most men completely misunderstand it.

This isn’t about being quiet, insecure, or thinking less of yourself.

It’s about:
- Understanding your identity in Christ
- Letting go of pride and self-reliance
- Putting others before yourself
- Walking in true confidence rooted in God—not ego

We dive into:
- Why pride is at the root of most sin
- The difference between humility and insecurity
- How to recognize pride in your life
- Why humility is essential for spiritual growth
- Practical ways to live this out TODAY (marriage, work, relationships)

If you want to grow as a man, leader, husband, and follower of Christ… this is non-negotiable.

Your challenge this week:
- Be the first to apologize
- Talk less about yourself
- Thank God for everything
- Ask Him to search your heart

If this hit you:
👍 Like the video
💬 Comment where you’re working on humility
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There’s more access to Bible teaching today than ever before.
But knowing the truth and living it out are two different things.

Monday Morning Men is a practical Bible study podcast designed to help men move beyond information and into application.

Each episode is simple:
A short teaching, followed by one important question:

How do I apply this on Monday?

Welcome Back + Why Humility Matters

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Welcome to Monday Morning Men. My name is Josh Swart. I'm here with Thomas Dillinger, who is too cheap to buy a case for his iPad. You've got a tower of books.

SPEAKER_01

Holding up your notepad. It's the one time Amazon's taking like a week to actually deliver something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, our goal with this podcast is to bridge the gap between the Sunday sermon and your Monday morning and give you practical advice to walk out your faith. Um if you've got questions or if you've got topics that you want to hear about, you can send those or even prayer requests. You can send that to info at mondaymorningmen.com. We'd love to hear from you guys. Love it. You got anything for us before we kick it, kick it off? Dude, let's get started. Okay. We're talking about humility this morning, which this one's close to my heart because I could always use a little bit more humility. We all. Um, Thomas, what do you got for us this morning?

What Humility Actually Is (And Isn’t)

SPEAKER_02

You ever like uh, you know, when a pastor gets up and they're like, I'm not qualified to teach this, and we all kind of like, uh in reality, we're like, it's a probably false sense of modesty. Like they probably mastered it and they're just saying that because they know it's a hard topic. This is different. Like we're we're recording early, so my wife doesn't know I'm talking about this because she would probably come in here and be like, You were not qualified. No, she's she's lovely. Uh, but it is a topic that is uh it's not only hard, I think it's a real struggle for men, specifically the opposite of you know, pride, right? And most theologians would agree that pride is the basis of all sin. I'm not gonna here argue or defend that. It's it's a pretty concise point and it's probably pretty accurate. But I think humility is a great place for us men because I think it's like a misunderstood topic personally. I think a lot of men would agree, or even the world would understand what you know humility should be. But I think if you ask most people, like, could you define it? Most people probably couldn't accurately or biblically define it. Um so I'm gonna kind of define it, break down some thoughts on it, and then obviously we need to apply it. But I just out of curiosity, I mean, I don't want me to put you on the spot, what would you think people would say humility is? Like if you were to ask a bunch of people, a bunch of men, what do you think humility is?

SPEAKER_00

It's not thinking of yourself more highly than you are. Yeah, I would agree, yeah. I I but I think if I'm honest, I think what most people think of humility is is probably a false sense of like it's like false humility where it's just like not making more of yourself. But there's a lot more to it than just that.

Why God Cares About Humility

Insecurity ≠ Humility

Confidence… But Only in God

SPEAKER_02

Uh yes, yes. Like we'll and we'll get into this because you nailed it. The the reality's identity has a lot to do with it and understanding who you are. Um, but I think that when I when it kind of comes to if you're wanting more, you know, someone else that is more well educated on this topic, I would suggest two books. There's lots of good books out there, but CJ Mahaney's uh his humility, it's called Humility and the True Greatness, phenomenal book. And then probably my ultimate favorite, and you'll appreciate this, it was written in 1895 by Andrew Murray, South African pastor. Who said that nothing good comes out of South Africa? Africa's yeah, present company excluded. Those guys. I know. But his book is called Humility. That's kind of how it's it's actually the beauty of holiness or the journey towards holiness. But he's phenomenal in writing this. He's got a couple other books about it. Um, but really gives a real grasp and they really define it and what it looks like in our present life. So if you want some more research, maybe we can drop a link below, you know, in the YouTube video, you can click and purchase those books. Um, I am gonna quote Andrew a few times today because nobody wants, I mean, I only have a mediocre opinion. Let's you haven't written a book yet. That's right, exactly. I don't know if that's in the cards either. Uh, but I put this down. The reason that this is an important topic is that as we try to live biblically, we are also to do it in the right disposition. If we're trying to apply on Monday, what we're to walk out as Christians, we need to do it with the right attitude. Uh, this is Acts 20, 19. He says, serve the Lord with great humility, or he served the Lord with great humility. Even this idea that when we walk, we need to do it with all humility. So if we're trying to apply on Monday, everything that we're learning or we've learned the day before, it has to be approached with the right heart. God's really interested that the disposition of how we do things is extremely important. Um, we know in scripture it's important to God. Everybody quotes James Ford. God resists the proud and gives grace to humble. If we truly embody that, like if we're wanting to run to Jesus, if we're wanting to walk with him as we grow in our faith, we should walk with humility. We want to do it beside him. Otherwise, we're wasting our time. I was kind of thinking about this. I watched this video the other day. It was like this Navy SEAL guy. Well, I don't know why all the Navy SEAL guys have podcasts now, by the way. I don't know. Like, does the Navy know this? I like are they getting into the Navy SEAL step of? I'm just messing. But anyway, he was like talking about weight loss. I don't know why. But anyway, he was talking about habits of things that hinder us from actually losing weight. He's like, you can be doing all the right steps. And he basically, if you don't have the right disposition of certain habits you need to nix or get rid of, you're kind of wasting your time. It made me think about humility because it's like, oh my goodness, if we're out here trying to apply our life to walk as Jesus without humility, we're wasting our time and everybody else's. Um, but it's important to God. We have the right disposition. Humility is important uh to him. It's mentioned roughly 80 to 90 times in scripture. Um, so you know, you define humility as not thinking too highly of oneself. Uh, Marion Webster defines it as this it's the freedom from pride or arrogance, the quality of state of being humble. Not inaccurate, just kind of ambiguous, right? Uh Andrew Murray, who we'll quote later, I I like his, I mean, his all these all these definitions, by the way, are phenomenal, but they're just kind of a different take on it. He says it's the place of entire dependence on God, which is beautiful. I mean, this is understanding. CJ Mahaney in his book, he defines that as humility is honestly, this is kind of like yours, humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness. Um, I'm a super simple person. I kind of have always defined it as understanding one's proper place. I'm kind of plagiarizing Charles Spurgeon, the GOAT. If you're gonna plagiarize anybody, it should be him. He says he defines humility as making a right estimate of oneself. Like, like you said, it's understanding exactly who you are. It's why it's kind of an identity. So when we define humility, there's a couple thoughts that I had on it that I think a lot of people are just like, uh we think humility is the quiet person in the room, or we think it's, you know, and they may be, right? We it's just we try to kind of do it on a surface level, but ultimately it's a heart issue. Yeah. So I've got a couple thoughts that I just want to point out to humility, and then we'll get into some applications and see the example of Jesus. But uh the first one is this, just kind of as a to remove any thought process on humility, insecurity is not humility. That a lot of people think that. They think that it's like, oh, I'm not good enough or all these things. That is not humility. Uh, if we believe Psalms 139 that we're beautifully and wonderfully made, to some degree, your insecurity is actually in defiance for what God said. It's actually a lack of faith in who He's declared you to be. So, in your own way, it's a it's a weird, my dad even calls that a weird reversal, false sense of humility, humility or pride, where you're actually like, hey God, I know you said this. I actually know better, and I'm not wonderfully made. It's it's a false sense of humility. So your insecurity in a weird roundabout way is that actually sense of pride because you think you know better than God. So I just remove that off the table. If you're like uh, you know, the insecure person is somehow more humble than me, that's not that's not true. We are to remain confident. This is kind of like my second thought. We are to remain confident, but it's only in God, never of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

The Real Test: Putting Others First

SPEAKER_02

Confidence is a beautiful thing, but it's only because of God. Hebrews 4 16 says, let us approach then God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. God resists the proud, he gives grace to the humble. We have to be humble before we approach him, but yet we get to approach it confidently. The reason you and I get to approach the throne of God confidently is not because of anything we've done, but because of the blood of Jesus. If we understand our identity and be like, oh my goodness, I'm allowed to go boldly and confidently before God. I have a right to be there, but it is not because of me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Jesus as the Ultimate Example (Philippians 2)

Practical Ways to Live This Out Today

SPEAKER_02

Thank goodness, right? But it's because of the blood of Jesus. I'll not, I now get to walk confidently in my life, but again, not because of me, but because of who he is. So again, this comes back to identity. We're not insecure by our view of ourself. We walk confidently because of how he views us and by the blood of his son. Yeah. But if I were to like put a true test to humility, right? Kind of my third thought. So again, these are just all of these podcasts are going to be super brief. There's always more extensive stuff. And we could delve into this and we can talk about some more things if you have something. But the the reality is we want to just apply this. Is something you could probably grasp. But if you want a true test of your humility, it's uh putting people above yourself. Like if you love the Lord your God, right, you now have a right view of who God is in your life. And if the second greatest commandment is to love others, that's the true test of humility. You look at him, you see who you are, and he's telling you to love others. It's like, okay, I want to do this thing. Uh, this to me is the truest test of all of them that you can get because it's hard to kind of always take inventory of our heart. We want to see our actions played out. It's how you put others above yourself. Uh, Philippians 2, uh, three through eight, and we're gonna read it because I always want to take and honor the space of scripture. I don't want to just give an opinion, yeah, but I want to take time to read it all in its entirety. Um, but this is Christ's humility and then how it plays out in our life. And it's uh, I mean, obviously it encompasses, it's probably the perfect scripture for all of humility in all of the all of the words. So this is Philippians 2, 3 through 8, and it says this do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself. So there we go. We get to apply this immediately right now. We have to value others above ourselves. It's the true test. Not looking to our own interests, but each of you to the interest of others and your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who being in very nature of God did not consider it equality with God, something to be used to his own advantage. Even God, God on earth, is not using things to his own advantage. He did it because he loved us. I mean, what a beautiful I mean, we're beyond grateful for his his humility and his kindness and his love. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in the appearance as a man. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death even on a cross. I I don't think there's any greater scripture or book that you could write on humility than those five verses, right? Yeah, it really sums it up. It sums it up beautifully. So for us, it's humility is this thing that we should always strive to do because it's not only our right disposition towards God, but if we're emulating our life to walk as Jesus, this is who he is. Andrew Murray says this humility is nothing but the disappearance of self and the vision that God is all. All three of those points are summed up in that quote. If we have true vision of who he is, we're no longer secure, insecure, we're confident, but then we also get to see his love and affection for others, and we get to esteem others better than ourselves, as Philippians says, because he did the same for us. And uh, it's a beautiful thing. But um let's get into some applications though, right? I mean, I don't have to keep, hopefully at this point, you know, if you want more information, if you need convincing at this point that you should be humble, though. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. We might be dealing with some pride. Um, but here's some here's some uh applications, just that we you know, people can apply right now. If you're a naturally an insecure person, uh, and and some people are, we all have insecurities. I just want, first of all, if you listen to everybody has insecurities, some more than others, and maybe maybe more vocal. My first uh with everything, go to the scriptures. The scriptures are declaring who God is, but in seeing who God is, you get to see who you are. You do get to see your depravity, but you also get to see his viewpoint, that he loves you, that he's forgiven you, that you get to walk free, and now you get to approach that throne confidently. Read the scriptures, let it speak to your identity. So, whatever you're dealing with, run to those. I would rather hear what God has to say than anybody else. Right. Because this is the perfect vision and lens that we want to see everything through. Read all that the maker has, I put this down, read what the maker is saying about you and then rest in him. Um for those of us that maybe maybe you still deal with insecurity, but maybe you're a little bit more uh confident in a in a in a in a different way. Uh, how do we apply this kind of in our life? And there's so many avenues that humility could be this way. Be first to apologize, especially if you're married. I mean, nothing will attack your pride than being married. So if you're listening to this and you're and you're married, I think you, I mean, am I wrong in this? Like it's no, not at all. Okay. I'm surely I'm not alone. It's like, and you're sitting there and you definitely know she's wrong. And you're like, but you're a little wrong with your attitude, and you're like, but I but she's more wrong, right?

SPEAKER_01

The she is like, I mean, it is what it is. No, I don't know that at all. No, you would never know. I would never know. You would never know.

How to Spot Pride in Your Life

SPEAKER_02

But but the reality is that we even if we think that we're less wrong, we humble ourselves and we can go ahead and be the first one to apologize. And I can promise you, I my wife is actually way better at this than I am. I mean, it's true. Like, I'm not even just saying that. It really is true. I struggle with it. And it's so funny, every time she apologizes, it's like something breaks in the room. And I always think, and I think this in the moment, and I know this going into it. This is why we want to see all men practically walking this out because we already know this stuff. We just don't want to do it. When if God resists the proud, the moment that there's humility in our relationship, God's present. So all of a sudden, that that kind of tension that we're feeling, it seems to break when someone's humble. So be first to apologize, especially if you're married. I mean, I'm not giving you marriage advice, but this is this is pretty sound, biblically sound. Apologize first. Uh in a work environment, you know, for you, it's like even just little things, like if we can, if we can challenge ourselves, talk less about yourself, ask more questions. If you care about that individual, talk to them about them, right? We always love to hear our own voice and we love to hear our own opinions. And we are consumed with ourselves. I mean, that's just reality, yeah, right? We are thinking about ourselves all the time. Yeah, practice. It's a small, simple trick. When you are talking with someone, just ask them questions, ask who they are, and be intentional and be genuine with it. This is something, again, I mean, this this message, my wife could probably come from a place of where she genuinely is practicing these things. Yeah, everybody loves my wife, and that it's everybody's like, she's so genuine. I'm like, well, and then they just look at me like I'm like, they're communicating something I feel like without saying it. Um but but she is, she's so genuine, and and we should try to emulate that in all of our life that we care about the individual, right? If we're esteeming them better, if we're truly walking as Jesus and we're humble, talk less about yourself and ask people more questions. But then this is the one that I mean we can do and that we should do all the time. Uh my buddy uh Jason Bennett was at our house and he was giving a he was talking to the kids, and we were just talking. I said, What's one thing that my kids can apply tomorrow that's just kind of impactful to them? He said, The moment I wake up, I thank Jesus. It's the first things out of my mouth. Thank you, Jesus, for this day. And then if we're doing something, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this. Yeah. Little things like that. Being thankful and a heart of gratitude, it that's truly speaking out what you see yourself and your identity with God. Yeah, exactly. You're grateful for all that he's done. You're grateful for all that he's doing. It's not because of yourself, it's because of him. So even if you're in the car and you're listening to this whatever, whatever, pause it or when it when we shut this off, just thank him. Because in that moment, that's when humility starts to, you really get to see who he is. And if you're struggling to be thankful, start to wonder like how much pride is in your life. Like, well, I've done all this and I'm doing this for God or whatever. Sounds like pride, right? It's a good inventory in your heart. And then as always, be quick to repent. You know, David says in Psalms that he says, Search me, oh God, right? So if we're looking to repent, apologize, yes, to your wife, but repentance a little bit different and the sense of like, Lord, look at me. Like we take inventory of where it's going on and be like, I know there's stuff. He's like, search me, find any unclean in thing, you know, thing in me. And if so, I want to take care of it because he knows who he is. Yeah. So a couple of ideas you can do. So, you know, be first to apologize if in your marriage. This is super practical for you to do. If you're insecure, run to the scriptures. Like if there's something that you're dealing with, see what God has to say about it. Talk less about yourself today. Go find a coworker or a friend, you know, and ask them questions, be thankful in everything, and then ultimately ask God, search my heart. Is there pride in me? I want you to clean it out because I truly want to walk in my identity and walk in full humility. Wow. It's good stuff.

SPEAKER_00

It is good stuff. Is there is there any scenario where pride can be a good thing? Is there any place for that at all?

SPEAKER_02

Scripturally, it's one of the seven sins that God hates is pride. Haughty eyes. Haughty eyes. I mean, I can't imagine. We we we kind of make pride synonymous sometimes with confidence, or um, we make pride like uh, you know, with our family, you know, our family pride or our family tribe or our country pride or all those things. Your patriotism is not, you know, to make that a country pride, that's you're probably mixing and not fully defining pride, which that could be another podcast. Yeah. Right. So I'm not not attacking those things necessarily. Um at the end of the day, if you're wanting a definition on some of those things, it you can just ask yourself, like your heart knows. You know what I mean? Like if you if you're prideful and you're just like, Lord, is this a sense of pride? And you pray that he'll let you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know. How would somebody recognize areas of pride in their life? You mentioned one test earlier. Is there any other ways that somebody could identify that in their life?

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah, obviously, thinking about yourself, like we said, you know, how much are you thinking about yourself compared to others? Hopefully, you're in a relationship where you can ask somebody. You know, if your wife is using verbiage like you're stubborn or you don't listen to me, that's pride. Right? We we we act like that's not, but it is. So hopefully you have people around you that are like, uh this is pride. Yeah, you know, um if if a great way of pride, this I was actually talking with a buddy yesterday. If your faith is lacking in something and you're trying to figure it out, and I've got this God, and you're not running to his feet, pride. I've got this, I'm confident, I'll figure it out. I'm relying on myself, pride. So, you know, my buddy yesterday, he was just like, I he's like, Sometimes I'm faithful. I get to the top of that mountain and there's no ram there. Like he's referencing obviously when a dodge ram. Yeah, there's there's no dodge ram, there's no force. You know, he's referencing Abraham, yeah, uh, you know, sacrificing his son, God's gonna provide. And then it's like sometimes we'll go the mountain, we have faith, and then we get to the top. And when he said that, I was like, that's such a good point. He's like, we get to the top and then we try to figure it out. I was like, that's amazing. Um, you know, amazing thoughts. So that's pride though, yeah. Ultimately, even if we look like we're not, yeah. Lots of ways.

SPEAKER_00

I think one of them would be when you achieve certain things. Like, who are you giving credit to? Yeah. Like there's a lot of uh temptation to to like you know, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and like you figured it out and you made it work. Yeah. But in the end, like without giving credit to God for you know putting the pieces together on your journey or whatever it is, it's you're you're pointing to yourself as like I did this, I accomplished this, and it's pride. Um not recognizing God's hand in your life in certain areas and how things came together is is pride.

SPEAKER_02

That's good. I I to piggyback off this, and this and this will be something we'll probably talk about later, but I've been asking myself, what's the goal of the purpose? You can even ask that in the things that you're trying to achieve or in the things of your life you're trying to do. If you can't answer that and it's not founded in scripture in the sense of who your identity is, if God's calling you to do something, you know, whatever it is, we talked about. Dominion in the introduction about how our dominion comes only after faithfulness and obedience, right? But if we're trying to achieve something, ask yourself what the purpose and the goal is. And if it's so that people can see you, if people can applaud you, or people can respect you, that's pride. Like, yeah, not that those things are bad. You've you you can have great goals and things you should be achieving. This again is a heart posture. This is a disposition of who you are. It's easy to look on the outside and be like, this person's prideful. It's easy to look at the guy that's celebrating his touchdown in the end zone and be like, okay, you're a grown man. Quit dancing, please. Uh, but but it but that, you know, and that's easy judgment, but it's really a disposition. As believers, that's where we have to take inventory. Ask yourself those questions. That's good though. Yeah, I like it. Good stuff. I I'll I'll, you know, before we close, I'll leave one more quote for Andrew Murray. I mean, why not? We started with him. I do want to leave with this. He says this, and this is good for us to think about humility and what it looks like, especially it's to men, because this, you know, podcast, ideally for men, he says this. Men sometimes speak as if humility and meekness would rob us of what is noble and bold and manlike. I mean, he's right. A lot of men think humility is, you know, you're a weak guy, you're a wimp, right? He says, Oh, that all would believe that this is the nobility of the kingdom of heaven, and that this is the royal spirit that King of Heaven himself displayed, that this is godlike to humble oneself and to become a servant of all. So, in humility, may we be like Jesus. What a phenomenal quote. And hopefully it convicts us, and let's all go out there and practice some humility.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's good stuff. All right, thank you for listening. Uh, share this with somebody.

SPEAKER_01

If you know somebody who uh maybe don't share the humility one, share one about hey brother, I saw you the other day. You seem prideful.

SPEAKER_00

I know it's hey, I was thinking about you when I was listening to this. Uh but seriously, I mean, if we're gonna be sharpening each other and um walking in humility, I think this is a great podcast to be sharing with others. Amen. Um and who knows, you may develop some uh great relationships with other men who are wanting to walk through humility together. So um may we all take this scripture and uh the word that's spoken today and take it to heart. Until next time, if you got questions you want us to pray for you, if you've got topics that you want to us to cover, email us at info at mondaymorningmen dot com and Thomas will respond to you. AI our AI bot. That's right. Anyways, all right, till next time.